I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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