He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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