I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
