yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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