You work out of a Hotel?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
