Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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