Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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