Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
