I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
