I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
