I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
