I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
