His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
