Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
