remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
