We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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