I seem to have left my pride at pride
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize