Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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