just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
