do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
