He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
