life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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