Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
