she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
