I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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