so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want nice things and good sex
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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