ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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