Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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