I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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