I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
