she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
