Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
