I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
