Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
