Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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