There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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