i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
