I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
