I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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