So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
