I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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