She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sober January is a disaster.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
