12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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