Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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