i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
