All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's blow job season.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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