And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
