My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
