Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize