my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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