a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
