am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
