The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize