I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
