Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
