He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
