Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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