is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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