he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
