Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Randomize
