is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
