I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
