Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How external is "for external use only"?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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