Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
