***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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