you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
