i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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