im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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