I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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